Am I feeding despair?
Despair is a pre-requisite to change. Without despairing about a situation, I will never have the need to change it. Consumerism, comfort eating, netflix binging, alcohol, drugs and retail therapy (Disclaimer: Not my personal list of comforts. Edit: ok, most on the list are my personal comforts) all hide despair and soothe the suffering of despair. They also feed it and the cycle continues.
When I starve despair from comfort, despair shouts louder and that produces drive to change. What would my life look like if I stopped feeding my despair with comfort? Instead of wasting my time hiding, I could spend my time living. Instead of wasting my money on comforts, I could use it to build the dream.
People who hit rock bottom and have an overnight transformation aren’t having an overnight transformation. They have allowed themselves to dream and have experienced the despair of not seeing that dream become a reality for long enough to want to do something radical about it. They have chosen to stop feeding the despair with comfort.
Despair won’t kill me. Comforting the despair will kill me. It will kill my relationships. It will kill my self worth. It will kill my dreams. It will kill my health. Maybe it will eventually kill me.
Here is what I’m learning to do…
Give myself some uninterrupted space and feel it! That’s what Jesus did before He made the biggest change this world has ever seen and that still impacts us today. That change was pre-empted by blood, sweat and tears in the garden of gethsemane.
I cry it, shout it, write it, say it, pray it, tear up some cardboard, crush a bunch of grapes. I do whatever I need to do to express it, that’s not harming others or damaging property. That’s what I’m teaching my kids and that’s what I’m learning to do. Feeling it will not kill me. It might be painful, but once it’s felt, what else can it do? If I’ve allowed myself to fully feel it, it’s never going to feel worse than that. Then I know I can handle it and only then can I pick myself up with all the good stuff – prayer, scripture, affirmations, meditation – and start living the life I dreamed of. It sounds simple and it is, but it’s not easy. Reminding myself that sometimes I have to live hard to create easy.
#despairtochange #hope #purpose #change #scripture #prayer #affirmations #meditation